The Big Leap

For the last couple of days my wiggle walking around the park has been accompanied by growing evidence of the leap into spring.  The first, tender early blossoms are now dusting the trees white, pale pink and fuchsia while below them daffs nod their merry heads.  The coots are massing on the lake and putting on impressive displays of macho intent (and that’s the girl coots) and today I noticed little spikes forming on the cherry trees lining the pathways; a pre-curser to the wonderfulness of the thick, massed, dreamy blossom to come.

As our little pocket of the world readies itself for this big, annual leap into life I’m sitting with the niggling tension of not knowing whether or not I should be making my own leap into my new mobile life.

My intuition is screaming at me to get away, to get on sailing boats in beautiful, tropical waters and enjoy the freedom of the sea and of exploration.  My intuition is also informing me, gently and insistently, that my next learning exploration is through tantra, and with the tantric master Nityama here in London, very happy to share his learning with me (I could get all sorts of double entendres in there, but I feel fairly confident you’ve done that for yourself by now) it seems smart to stay and make the most of that.  My logical mind is putting its own concerns into the mix reminding me that I am not sitting on a bottomless pit of money and if I want to be back for my friends’ wedding at the end of March, it’s just daft to do anything right now.

When I got back from my walk, with this post bubbling up I realised that it is Leap Day.  Luckily I’m not getting any impulses to propose to random men to add to my confusion, but I think it does put some context to my sudden ants-in-the-pants-got-to-get-moving urge.

I am in the process of making up what I’d love, making up the myth I want my life to be.  In my myth I am a sailor, engaged in a wide-eyed adventure with the sea, I embody the essence of my femininity and am supported by the vibration of my sexuality, I am at the centre of a loving, jolly community and I am grounded in the home my heart creates wherever I am.

All this and more is the substance of what I am creating in my world.  My practical mind separates it all out and says I can have this or that, one or the other, travelling or tantra, celebrations or sailing, weddings or woaming (*shrugs apologetically*).  My mythical self sees the big picture and is using the symbolism of today to tell me that my next big leap is another leap of faith in the belief that I can have it all.  To take the first step of my journey and watch all that I’d love magically drop into place.

I’ll let you know how that goes.


2 thoughts on “The Big Leap

  1. I was thinking about the post about ships and what they are made for and there is something I didn’t find satisfying about it that is pertinent to what you’ve written here. A ship is no more built to be safe in a harbour than it is built to be in danger on the sea. A ship is not defined by where it is. A ship is built to connect things. Sometimes journeys seduce us and part of the seduction is how many things are solved by the fact that there’s no point in trying to solve them any more because you’ve gone. I think you can have it all, but a journey is not only proposed by leaving. Adventure is not only possible in risk. Risk is very often worth while but it’s perhaps not a reason in and of itself. There is seduction in leaving. There is freedom. But if it is to be more than the freedom of a holiday, one has to hope that the journey leads to something that one then goes ‘into’ rather than just ‘towards’. As you seem to be saying to yourself that there’s a limit on this journey anyway, and as it seems to be a ‘towards something I hope to find so that I can go into it’ journey, perhaps, as that option is always available to us, you are right to privilege the journey that is into something and see where that takes you.

  2. Thanks Lulu, you’re so right – journeys take us away from as well as towards – and that can be very seductive. I love the idea of choosing the journey that takes me ‘into’ and it’s a good end result to be connected to – what do I want this journey to take me into? What’s the creation in it? I guess we don’t always know that because there are always unintended outcomes – hence the allure of travel. Good to have some sense of what I’d like it to be though. xx

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