Swimming My Sub-Conscious Mind

Today starts as a strange day.  I feel heavy, slow, reflective and sleepy.  I am inclined to chase this mood off with action, or worry about coming down with something.  Then I remember that I know this state, and I know what I need here.  I have slipped into a deep place of gentle receptivity.  I am in the creative zone of my feminine aspect, and something is coming.

It feels like I am sitting at the bottom of a deep, dark body of water.  The light is green and obscure, becoming denser dark in the distance.  The weight of the water around me is heavy, soft, holding.

There are shadows in the dark.  Large, threatening creatures with strong jaws and all seeing eyes.  Maybe one is swimming towards me now, muscles bunched for attack, movements sinewy and sure.  But this creature is my creation.  I know it well.  It has served me throughout my life, keeping me on the path of my understood version of what is, of who I believe I am.  Because I know it and see it, it now has no power, just a shadow in the dark that dissolves in my gaze, dropping the pearls it has been obscuring into my lap.

This is the realm of my sub-conscious mind, the home of my creations, and my connection to all creativity.  The work is done and the job now is not to dash in and find what I need, to thrash and splash my way forwards, stirring up silt, obscuring the creation that was just within grasp and sending me off to chase more shadows.  That’s the man within me, still trying to do it right, to act in the familiar ways that I believe get things done, to forge results in the hot fires of my yang energy.  To do well and receive the boost of recognition and validation that comes with compliance and busyness.  I have made things happen using that aspect of me, but I could never hold them together, and I ended up exhausted and sad.  I need him still, he is part of me too, but not today, today belongs to a quieter side of my creativity.

Something is coming to me, something I have, in my patience, created.  I don’t know what it is, but I know it will serve.  I don’t need to know why it is coming, my heart has called it to me.  I don’t need to know when it will arrive, it will be soon and I am ready.  I don’t need to know how, because we never do.  So now I wield the strength and power of my ability to exist in the unknown, where the magic happens, and in softness to receive that which is coming to me out of the dark.


In Praise of Rumpled Sexuality

Making a stand for sex and sailing is fun and simple, there’s a splash to it that my dramatic little heart rather loves.  There is rich complexity here too, however.  Depth and promise that go beyond the act of sex.  Beyond even lusting after Johnny Depp and George Clooney, although I’m very happy to keep them in the picture.

It’s all about definitions.  What is sexy?  I realised recently how much my perception of sexy has broadened, so when I say I want to make the world a sexier place it isn’t (just) about the loving act.  I have realised that people who live a life of conviction, from a place of truth and strength from within, have an appeal that goes beyond appearance.

Sir Ken Robinson, for example, is a sexy man.  Sir Ken is a very British educationist and inspiring author who now lives in the US. He is a man who sports more the air of a rumpled academic than your classic, sculpted Adonis.  Sir Ken is no silver-screen hero, his attractiveness comes from a deeper place within him, which is all to do with what he stands for rather than simply relying on how he looks.

Watching Ken’s fantastic TED Talk challenging the education system to embrace rather than kill creativity in our children, what you see is a normal, nice-looking man, with a hint of soft corduroy about him.  What you hear is a passionate and persuasive advocate for massive, mind-boggling change in education.  This is a man with a mission, someone who has uncovered the difference he wants to see in the world, and is stepping out to be that difference.  This is the essence of his sex appeal.  He almost crackles with the energy of his conviction. It is exciting and admirable, manly and reassuring, and then he laughs at himself about his need to focus when he’s frying an egg, and my knees buckle.  I no longer see corduroy and ‘nice’ I see leadership, I see courage, I see conviction and through those things, I see the essence of the man within.  This is a man who has no doubt had to take himself on in order to take on the world, and who, just for that, is worthy of a decent snog, although his wife might have a thing or two to say about that.

In recent years I have worked with many men who share the qualities Ken Robinson is living.  Not all of them are, as yet, riding the wave of success that living from truth and conviction so often creates.  Many have got as far as rolling up their trousers to paddle in the unfamiliar waters of their true nature and purpose.  Increasingly they are looking further out to sea, preparing to dive deeper, knowing they may feel out of their depth, but compelled to live a life of conviction whatever that takes.  Without exception, every man I have watched take to the water, has gained in stature, in solidity and in sex appeal as a result of their choice to bring the core of their essence and their purpose into the world.  Maybe it is the self-mastery that is required to still the voices of doubt within, or the growing confidence that comes with getting results from taking action and attracting increasing recognition and support.  Whatever it is, the men around me are getting sexier and I love it.

The world is in dire need of more sexiness.  I’m not talking about the vacuous and, god help us all, waxed sex appeal delivered though TV ads.  We need more of the solid, purposeful bone-melting sexiness of real, rumpled, men who have reached within to find the courage of their convictions and the confidence to make a stand for the truth that is within them.  When these men make that stand, as their friend, colleague or lover I have a part to play.  This is to leave them in no doubt that I admire and appreciate them, and that their sex appeal is on the up.  Think about it, if men started catching on that living their true purpose was sexy, wouldn’t the world rapidly start to be a better place?