Swimming My Sub-Conscious Mind

Today starts as a strange day.  I feel heavy, slow, reflective and sleepy.  I am inclined to chase this mood off with action, or worry about coming down with something.  Then I remember that I know this state, and I know what I need here.  I have slipped into a deep place of gentle receptivity.  I am in the creative zone of my feminine aspect, and something is coming.

It feels like I am sitting at the bottom of a deep, dark body of water.  The light is green and obscure, becoming denser dark in the distance.  The weight of the water around me is heavy, soft, holding.

There are shadows in the dark.  Large, threatening creatures with strong jaws and all seeing eyes.  Maybe one is swimming towards me now, muscles bunched for attack, movements sinewy and sure.  But this creature is my creation.  I know it well.  It has served me throughout my life, keeping me on the path of my understood version of what is, of who I believe I am.  Because I know it and see it, it now has no power, just a shadow in the dark that dissolves in my gaze, dropping the pearls it has been obscuring into my lap.

This is the realm of my sub-conscious mind, the home of my creations, and my connection to all creativity.  The work is done and the job now is not to dash in and find what I need, to thrash and splash my way forwards, stirring up silt, obscuring the creation that was just within grasp and sending me off to chase more shadows.  That’s the man within me, still trying to do it right, to act in the familiar ways that I believe get things done, to forge results in the hot fires of my yang energy.  To do well and receive the boost of recognition and validation that comes with compliance and busyness.  I have made things happen using that aspect of me, but I could never hold them together, and I ended up exhausted and sad.  I need him still, he is part of me too, but not today, today belongs to a quieter side of my creativity.

Something is coming to me, something I have, in my patience, created.  I don’t know what it is, but I know it will serve.  I don’t need to know why it is coming, my heart has called it to me.  I don’t need to know when it will arrive, it will be soon and I am ready.  I don’t need to know how, because we never do.  So now I wield the strength and power of my ability to exist in the unknown, where the magic happens, and in softness to receive that which is coming to me out of the dark.

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4 thoughts on “Swimming My Sub-Conscious Mind

  1. Hi Thea – I love your writing here and how well you capture the business of the sub conscious mind and the feminine aspect of creativity. Your capturing of it allows me to start to recognise this in my life. Tx for this and particularly – Maybe one is swimming towards me now, muscles bunched for attack, movements sinewy and sure.  But this creature is my creation!

  2. Many thanks Anne, I think it’s something I have only become aware of recently. We rat race away from quiet, reflective creativity in our world, and I have come to believe it is to our detriment. More reflective receptivity in our lives would guide us forward in greater leaps and bounds – that’s my experience at least.

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