Sex and Sailing

Sex and sailing.  It all comes down to this really.  The heart of my myth is that simple.  Around half a lifetime of experience (all being good, maybe a bit less if I stop drinking like a pirate), four years of challenging myself, giving myself over to my intuition, trying new things, learning about new passions, reflecting lots, freeing myself of the old and embracing the new, and that’s the beautiful core of what I’m about.

To date I’ve been rather more up front in this blog about my love of sailing than my love of sex.  What can I say? I’ve been feeling my way, finding my courage and my own voice of conviction.  There may be some relevance in the fact that I have regrettably chalked up more hours rolling around in boats than in beds in recent times, but nevertheless my reticence to date has more to do with caution than a lack of tales to tell.  Caution isn’t something I’m generally known for, but in this case I’m glad to have entertained it.  The time that I have sat with this has greatly clarified my intention and my purpose in opening up this conversation, as well as bringing me to a place where I simply can’t keep it within me.

The last five months have been a time of personal challenge, of grief and introspection.  Although the cause of that time remains painful, it has nevertheless given me room to reflect and the impetus to make some important choices about my future, about what I stand for.  If I have learnt anything in this time, it is the importance of creating our own story, standing up for what we believe and taking action to bring what we love to life.  I love sex (and sailing) and it is time for me to claim my purpose, to express my passion and engage my voice, the voice that each of us has within us, to explore and address one of the most important aspects of human life.

Sex is a beautiful, wonderful and I fear often mismanaged area of human interaction and potential.  It is a meeting place, a place of love and intimacy, of fun, of incredible pleasure, of connection and of deep creative power.  Sex is also sadly a place of darkness, of power games, of violence, of judgement and shame.  Sex is a powerful indicator of the state of play between man and woman*.  At the micro level sex is one of the first things to be sacrificed within a relationship that is not flourishing.  At the macro level It shows us, through common attitudes and prejudices, social convention and quality of conversation whether or not, as men and women we are engaging with ourselves and each other with the full joy, power and creativity of which we are, each and every one of us, capable.

My choice now is to direct my energy, my skills, my passion and commitment to making the world a sexier place.  A sexier place with boats.

* A major aspect of my interest in sex is in the broader play between masculine and feminine in individuals, in relationships, in business, in government, in communities.  My own experience and insights are those of a heterosexual woman, and much of my language and focus will reflect that.  I believe this conversation is equally valid for gay as for straight people, and welcome input from those with other experiences and perspectives than my own.

Pulled by the Energy of the Sea

My blog writing has been quiet recently, rather hampered by the fact that I’ve been living the dream for the last 5 weeks on board a lovely boat called Kipper, first sailing to Ireland and back, and then doing my RYA Day Skipper qualification. If you’re hearing something of a smug grin in there, spot on.

I have literally been pulled back to writing by the energy of the sea as I have just experienced it in Brighton on a visit to my Mum. Rarely have I seen the sea in this part of the world so exuberantly un-restrained and energetic. Surging white caps, foaming breakers, wheeling gulls, mistily seen through my quickly salted specs. The real power was in the pure rush of energy that surged through my body, blasting through my core, and connecting all of me to the full power of the wind and the waves as I stood and received the sea.

It took me back to words spoken by Einstein and posted by a friend today on facebook.

“Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics”

For the moment let’s leave aside my growing belief that Einstein, genius that he was, knew facebook was coming and devoted huge chunks of his time to thinking up sayings that we could scatter around our online world to inspire our ongoing efforts to have a life. This one really does it for me (again).

It has become clear to me that my future is intrinsically tied up with sailing and the sea. The Ireland trip was very much a choice to test my relationship with this wonderful activity. Am I a fair weather sailor, happy to have a couple of weeks on the Med in summer, or up for the full deal? Struggling out of a narrow bed for the 4 am watch, being thrown around a boat bashing through waves at a silly angle and laughing with my watch mate about buckets of water being flung over our heads at regular intervals showed me that I was up for all of it. I love the sea in all its shifting glory, I love the cleverness and beauty of boats, I love the team spirit of a crew and learning from skippers who have mastered this ancient skill.

Building a new business, with money tight, and nothing certain, it seems like a ridiculous luxury to be devoting scarce resources to sailing (you don’t even want to know the cost of sailing boots, although they are simply wonderful). But there is an energy there that meets mine and today demonstrated that without any doubt.

It is out on the water, and tied up on quaysides, that I find my bliss. Little bubbles of inspiration are rising that bring together the deep, intuitive sessions I would love to offer people to help them transition from one level of life, up to the next, and the opportunity to take the learning of those sessions into a new, potentially testing environment to see what comes up. Little seeds of possibilities. The challenge for me is to keep connecting with, and embodying the frequency of this thing I love by going to sea, and knowing that it is there that the myth I love to create comes alive.

Staying put but not staying still

Things are shifting a lot already in the myth factory that is my life. Although a myth cottage industry is probably a more accurate term at this point, as it is my own myth I’m working on rather than churning out myths for others to live by.

Having said that the existence of this forum is a bit of a clue that I am keen to  grow my cottage industry and involve others in making up their own myth. I love helping people to uncover what it is they love in life, and bring more of that into their world.  I want to encourage people reading this (and many more who aren’t yet) to get imaginative about what they want in their life, to raise the bar and get creative.  So, I guess I do want to create a myth factory, but it’s a factory where everyone is given the inspiration, the encouragement, the tools, and the support to make up their own version of life, rather than comply with the limitations of the mass-produced, made in Taiwan version that many of us live as a default.

I came to this way of life myself through a stretching and fun period of learning and experimenting, guided by my teacher and friend, Darren Eden.  With him, I learnt to make my intuition my primary guiding force and information source.  I use my intuition daily, indeed, in the moment, to choose what I’d love in any situation, and to get the action that will create that end result.

Our intuition is such a valuable  resource, and more easily accessed than you might think. It is a vibrant, imaginative and interesting way to chart your course through life. Following your intuition is like following breadcrumbs because there is no project plan, or step-by-step guide, just the next action, and the next action knowing you are focussed on an end result, and somehow these actions are leading you to it.  The vivid nature of living in this way is expressed beautifully by Elle Harrison, author of Wild Courage: A Journey of Transformation for You and Your Business (highly recommended reading).

Listening to our intuition, we lean our awareness into the present.  We notice what captures our attention, what draws our curiosity, what brings us alive – and we follow it.  In a sense we therefore participate in a vibrant field of energies and possibility that exist right here, right now, and that also draw us into the future with their unfolding…seen in this way the future is not an inanimate space we walk into, but something that is alive, magnetic, charged.

Elle Harrison, Wild Courage: A Journey of Transformation for You and Your Business, Watkins Publishing, 2003.

That alive, charged space Elle talks about means that nothing stays fixed for long.  When you are making it up, I’m learning that you also learn to shift and bend with circumstances, and to the magic that you create along the way.  When I started writing these pieces, my intention was to leave on a trip to Mexico this week, to experiment with a mobile life in the sun; sailing, coaching, being somewhere warm and colourful, warm sea a constant companion.  I’ve had my leaving party, I’ve received presents and cards wishing me luck and I’ve communicated with friends in Mexico that I’m on my way.

However, a bit of magic has just popped up, another breadcrumb has been dropped into my path, and plans go out of the window (I knew there was a reason I hadn’t actually bought my ticket).  A great tantric teacher, (Nityama, otherwise rather wonderfully known as the Tantric Mongoose) who lives in America and who has been living very privately for two years, has very unexpectedly rocked up in London town.  I did some work with him 4 years ago, and could see then the depth of knowledge and wisdom he had to share, but I chose working with Darren at that point rather than going to America to learn more.  Suddenly, and very magically at a moment when I have very recently decided to deepen my understanding of tantra, here he is.

In the old days I would probably have carried on with the original plan, or at least, got very stressed about shifting my own direction and not delivering on the expectations I’d set up in others and myself.

Today, my intuition is my guide, and intuition above all takes you to what you’d love and what’s obvious.  What’s obvious here is that when the mountain comes to Mohamed, it just seems rude for Mohamed to pack her bags and jet off. So, for a few more weeks at least, I’m staying put, and the biggest move I’ll be making is to swap bedrooms with my house mates, and to trundle happily off to Cardiff for my friend’s Hen House Party which I thought I would be missing.

I’ll be staying put, but I won’t be staying still.  It’s obvious to me that working with Nityama is an important part of the story I’m living, another facet of the life I’m creating.  I don’t know exactly what that is yet, but I’m looking forward to finding out and I promise to tell you all about it then.